just a hug..
Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.""My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.He always liked to do things early, way before the time.Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.""The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.""Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance."
"There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.There also is another thing, that I think you should know,He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago."
"Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here,That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote..."Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome."
"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife."
"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.That is why the roses will be sent to you for years."
"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.I have always loved you and I know I always will.But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still."
"Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock."
"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,And place the roses where we are, together once again."
The Origin of Coffee
SaltedCoffee Lady
Secret Age
Meet me for a coffee?
Coffee's Education
The history of coffee is as rich as the brew itself , dating back more than a thousand years.
Originally, coffee beans were taken as a food and not as a beverage.
Wishful Thinking
Should there be any wish if people on earth are not going to
satisfy whatever they owned presently?
That is what wishful thinking should be.
The Story of SaltedCoffee
Another one
Rabbit's Revenge
Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other guts.
One day whilst arguing in the forrest, the bear lost his temper and kicked an old lamp that had been left by campers.
To their surprize a genie popped out and granted them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." His wish was granted.
The Genie turned to the rabbit who said "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
"And for your second wish bear?" Demanded the genie, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." He got his wish.
The rabbit without delay took his second wish, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet."
"Final wish bear!" Bellowed the genie. The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." After having his wish granted he smirked at the rabbit and strutted off into the forrest.
The rabbits eyes lit up, he turned to the genie and he said, "For my last wish, I wish that bear was gay."
###
Mysterious Death
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11....
.... Boh Tau Nou, the part-time Sunday cleaner, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Friday, August 26, 2005
salty3:08 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Beneath The Skin
This time Nicci French adopt a different writing style, making the victim to be the lead, combining the story with 3 different women, 3 different story.The first victim, Zoe. Being a primary school teacher at... and became famous for her heroine act attacking a robbery with her watermelon along the pathment. That when she started to recieve threatening letters, similar to a love letter, describing her daily life in details which she didn't even notice herself. Upon recieving a multilated drawing of her body in her bed by one of her student, she didn't dare to stay alone in her house anymore and move to Lousie's house. Just when she was packing up her stuff, she was murdered in her house.The second woman was Jennifer, a housewife of 3 boys. Due to the lack of protection for Zoe, the police adopt more secure protection to the second one. They have found a locket at Zoe's house which belongs to Jenny's. To their horror, They found a picture of Zoe in Jenny's husband, Clive's private study room. Eventually, they began to suspect Clive for he was actually having an affair with Zoe. The smart murderer successfully mislead the police into suspecting the wrong person and attack the victim immediately after the police lower down their guards.Nadia Blake was his third target. She had fall into his target list in one occasion when she had problem dealing with her ancient computer and conincidentally seeked the murderer for help. He began to send her letter as what he did previously, and followed by the police protection, where Nadia started her affair with the married policeman, Stadle Cameron. On one occasion, she met Christo the youngest son of Jenny and their nanny, Lena while performing at a birthday party, where she knew about the fact that there are 2 victims before her. To her horror, she blackmail Cameron to bring all the police files for her personal investigation. Though he is smart, he has underestimate this victim's ability, but were in vain. After all the investigation, she began to know more about Zoe and Jenny, and the only connection through them - Morris Burnside, the computer expect she had approached for her problem, Zoe's bf's friend, Jenny's elder son's friend. Initially he still try to mislead Nadia into believing that Staddle might be the murderer for the fact that police are the only people having access to other victims house. Fortunately, she found out about the last connection between the 3 of them through the photo of the murderer and Zoe's boyfriend. So Fred murder Zoe out of humiliation and angry because she jilted him. Morris is a random picker. Pschologist have analyzed that the reason may be multiple, abused, humiliation, pampered at a young age that lead them to a pschopath.Comment: Now, this time I really think the police in the plot are really useless bum. The victim end up becoming the heroine of the case, napping the two murderer and save her life. If this happend in reality, I don't really think a female can do much but there is always exceptional case. Well, this will test the survival skill of each individual don't you think so? Afterall, it is a nice plot, brilliant indeed. I liked the story and every characters, and what about you?
Monday, August 22, 2005
salty3:51 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Jokes
Phua Chu Kang was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.... "1 day,I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I get 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. O God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I called my boss and said, I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1?" THE END....
Income version: At Income, you 1 2 make a report, Tommy Koh says to have 3 points, if 4 points, the brain cannot take it. If no common sense, you get 5. 6 right. Better go to floor 7 Conference Room and hide or jump into the pool at floor 8. Every night leave office at 9, shop till 10, go home let mother father scold. The next day, I go to work at 10, when it is supposed to be 9. I change the clock at Mr Goh's to 8, go past 7 glass doors,and so unlucky see my floor 6 supervisor. He says: "Where is the 5 pieces of work due since August 4?" I say the baby ate 3 and the cat ate 2. He said: "I only have 1 option for you. Please go". Oh-Oh. I say. Very The End.
###
Job Application for the newly Integrated Resort
Since the IR has been approved, the underworld is looking for recruits. This one - CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are submitting to the new casi? Sorry, sorry, integrated resort. Please fill in the form below and mail to: Mr. Chao Ah Beng Membership Occifer Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society 69 Geylang Lorong 69 Singapore 696969 Reference code: chapsartiam.com APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY 1. NRIC No.: _________________ 2. Surname: __________________ 3. First name: (please X) [ ] Johnson [ ] Benson [ ] Samson [ ] Hamson [ ] Janson [ ] Other: _________________ (if not ending in son? please explain why) 4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? please explain why) 5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng 6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang 7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm) 8. Ability to squat for: [ ] 1 hour [ ] 2 hours [ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!) 9. Hairstyle: [ ] Spiky [ ] Dyed with streaks of blond [ ] Dyed with streaks of red [ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes [ ] Kana mop like that [ ] Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went)____________________ 10. Tattoo of: [ ] Tiger [ ] Dragon [ ] Snake [ ] Eagle [ ] Hello Kitty 11. Work experience: (please X all that apply) [ ] KTV Launge Bouncer [ ] Snooker Hall Attendant [ ] Unlicensed Contractor [ ] Freelance debt collector [ ] Unlicensed bookie [ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional [ ] Unemployed 12. Spouse's Name: _________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one) _________________________ Lover's Name: _________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one) _________________________ 13. Number of children living in household: ____ Number of children living in foster care: ____ Number of children that are actually yours: ____ 14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank) 15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank) 16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary school) 8 9 10 11 12 17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply) [ ] Hokkien [ ] English [ ] Malay [ ] Tamil [ ] Cantonese [ ] rude hand gestures 18. Service performed in previous secret society: [ ] Leadership/Tua Tao [ ] Junior management/Suay Tao [ ] Physical activities/Hooting [ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong [ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui
###
A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol. The producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the producer. Picking himself up, he yelled, "What was that for?" The producer ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you $B%'%'(J@@!!$B%'%'(J! My dad perished in that bombing!" "I am not Japanese, you stupid Nincompoop! I am a Chinese!" "Yeah yeah yeah ...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, ... you are all the same." Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a deadly snake fist to the producer, sending him flat to the floor. "What was that for?!!" exclaimed the producer. "That's for the sinking of the TITANIC! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied. "You ignorant chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg! " shouted the producer. "Yeah yeah yeah... Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!"
###
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gen. McKenzie." Gen McKenzie: "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." Gen Marshall: "Well, my men are very brave, too." Gen McKenzie: "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" Private Johnson: "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
###
The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store
What great greetings! Nowadays greetings are getting wackier! I will consider getting no.4. And you? 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you . 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me . 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.. (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. 5. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you . 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike ! 7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card!) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise . 8. We've been friends for a very long time... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop ? 9. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here . 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was ? 11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often . 12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep . 13. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder... (Inside card) - What was I thinking ? 14. Congratulations on your wedding day! (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband/wife.
###
For those who appreciate intellectually stimulating humour...... and have the time to read, enjoy a laugh......... One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
###
Ah Lian called big brother Ah Beng over the telephone. Lian: "Ah Beng kor, I can't get my new jig saw puzzle fixed, mah-chiam all the edges cannot fix together, lah." Beng: "Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha?" Lian: "The box show a big rooster, kanna like the one in talkingcock.com." Beng: "Okay, lah, okay, lah. I come over to tor-long lu, lah." Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place, where she happily leads him to the kitchen table where the jigsaw puzzle is. Ah Beng examines the puzzle and says, "Si ghee na, si bay gong, put back the corn flakes into the box, lah." ***************************************************** Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?" Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!" The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. Tt seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..." At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!" *********************************************** QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien? ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah". QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh? ANSWER: Hae hae hae (hokkien for prawns) QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh? ANSWER : Hee hee hee (hokkien for fish) And here is a classic.............. QUESTION : What's the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy Tales? ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." and Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka li kong..."
###
A woman, who was pregnant with twins, got into a car accident and went into a coma... She was rushed to the hospital where doctors delivered her twins to save them. But as she was in a coma and her husband was overseas on business, her brother was the only one present to name her children. When she came out of the coma, hours after arriving at the hospital and found out that her brother had named the twins, she was very worried. Her brother was not very bright, and she didn't think he would have done a very good job of choosing her kids' names. When he came in to see her she asked, "So what names did you choose for my children?" He replied, "The first born was a girl." "Oh," started the woman, "and what did you name her??" "Denise," answered her brother. The woman was very surprised, and very pleased, "Hey, that's not half bad!" She exclaimed to her brother. "And what did you name the second child?" She waited excitedly to hear the name her brother had chosen for the other child. "Well, the next born was a boy," her brother informed her. "Yes, and what did you name him??" inquired the woman. Replied the brother, "Denephew."
###
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" ''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--" ''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" ''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--'' ''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so. ''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
###
Details unverified.Excerpts from one of the chatroom being monitored by CMT (Chatroom Monitoring Team) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55 mph. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60 mph."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. ......................................"I have got the airbag".... Never underestimate how a woman thinks. Moral of the story: Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The husband sure die and wife gets everything! So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today.... Husbands, pls take insurance! but.. think twice for MCIS insurance. Know why? " M.C.I.S "= Mati Cepat Isteri Senang -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Full name,MCIS Zurich Insurance.Based in Malaysia offering both life and motor products.
###
What Did The Boy Octopus Say To The Girl Octopus? I Want To Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand,Hand, Hand, Hand! What Do You Call Four Bullfighters in Quicksand? Quatro Sinko. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long? Polaroids What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Come Back? A Stick. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. Why Are Fish So Easy To Weigh? Because They Have Their Own Scales! Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. Mom: Eat Up Your Spinach, It'll Put Color In Your Cheeks. Child: But I Don't Want Green Cheeks ! What Do You Call Skydiving Lawyers? Skeet. What Happened When The Wheel Was Invented ? It Caused A Revolution ! "Quick, Take The Wheel", Said The Nervous Driver. "Why ?" "Because There Is A Tree Coming Straight For Us !" What Is the Best Way To Confuse A Drummer? Put A Sheet Of Music In Front Of Him.
salty12:05 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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We won't be back for sure
Because during yesterday celebration, the other team mates accused us of stealing their people to our side (in a jokingly manner), we decided to give them face and join them for lunch today. The reason why we seldom join them is because they've got a large group loh! 10 bloody people I suppose, then plus us will be over ten, how to find places during peak hours like that?So we ended up ordering food from one of the stall in SunShine Plaza. We ordered whatever food we like and sat down chitchat. Suddenly, a familiar voice entered my ears 死鸡! That word and the face that came immediately into mye eyes really shock the hell out of me. It was LF that stupid octopus. Kinda miss her since the last time we met. We chat for a while and back to seats. I always thought one good thing about going lunch with them is that you will get to eat delicious food for they are more familiar with the areas around here. No, I was wrong, they always choose place where there is enough seats for all of us, not because the food was delicious. So, this is going to be our first and last visit.To be honest, they've got very good service. But good service don't attract customers if your food is no good. Most of them ordered Ma Po Tou Fu, Pineapple Rice, Sweet & Sour Fish, Curry Chicken Rice while I ordered a plate of Spicy Minced Chicken With Water Chestnut. Really want my life arh! Damn hot, damn wierd combination when the water chestnut is served in large cube, look like potato taste like stone? I really couldn't finish though it was such a small portion. Though the food is bad, their service is good. The Boss lady explained that she didn't make it in time to stop her daughter in putting the large portion of chilli, and upon seeing me not ordering any drinks, she went in and cut a slice of watermelon. Nevertheless, we won't be back for sure.***Updated blog @ 3.55PMI made a big joke during lunch when LY asked me what I've ordered(Ni Jiao Shen Mo?). I answered without thinking (Wo Jiao "My Name")...
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
salty2:55 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Just For Laugh
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally
demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of
the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left!
Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be
friends and not try to pin the blame on each other." The man replies, "Oh
yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another
miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,
opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then
hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the
cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll
just wait for the police..."
###
The multi-purpose FutureCard will be the version of our perpetually
metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can
also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license,
act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the
National Library...what ever you do with the card...you will
be tracked! It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad,
depending the
situation) However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable
control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As
the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas
in the near future...
Ah Beng's FutureCard ( Likely Scenerio )
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Geylang. May I have your..."
Ah Beng: "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."
Operator: "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"
Ah Beng: "It's arh..., hold on prease, arh..... S6102-0499-54610FC"
Operator: "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're
calling from 17-D Lorong 14, Geylang. Your home number is 6782 8828, your
office 6782 8838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling
from now Sir?
Ah Beng: "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"
Operator: "We are connected to the 'FutureCard' system Sir"
Ah Beng: "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Ah Beng: "Why....Cannot arh?"
Operator: "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Ah Beng: "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend
lah?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Ah Beng: "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the
National Library last week Sir"
Ah Beng: "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han... I give up... Gif me three family sized
ones then, how much arh?
Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is
$45..."
Ah Beng: "I pay by FutureCard...Can or Not ?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you're owing your bank $6720.55- since October last
year"
Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!... Everything also know...chiat lat!"
Operator: "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing
loan Sir.
Ah Beng: "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my
house lor"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily
limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for
4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"
Ah Beng: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my Ah Mah.
How long arh?"
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come
and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are
only 5 mins away"
Ah Beng: "Where got transport?"
Operator: "According to the details in your FutureCard", you own a Honda
Scooter, ...registration number FE 3288..."
Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
Ah Beng: [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brush with
the law]
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Ah Beng: "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles
of cola as advertised or not?"
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
diabetic....... "
Ah Beng: [Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his
family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow']
###
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter - ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
has to drop off. Otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able
to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman,
she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men
in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished
her speech, all the men started clapping their hands..
###
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
###
One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river and her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, an angel appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and she needed the thimble to make her living.
The angel went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the angel asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The angel again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the angel asked. Again the seamstress replied, "No." The angel went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the angel asked. "The seamstress replied, "Yes." The angel was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out the angel again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh, my husband has fallen into the water!" The angel went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the angel asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The angel was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Then,if had I said 'yes' you would have given me all three. I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S WHY I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others.
###
Physio was an intelligent boy.After doing a physiotherapy course abroad for 3 years, he returned home and set up a clinic in his hometown.
He asked a designer to make a new name plate to be hung on the wall outside his clinic.The next morning, when he went to his clinic,he was pleased to find that the name plate was already put up.However, he was greatly annoyed by the wordings on the plate;TUKANG URUT.He went to the designer and took him to task.
"How can you insult my profession?'Tukang Urut' means masseur in Malay.I am a physiotherapist and not a masseur!Make sure you change the name right now and see that the word is spelt correctly!" Physio said angrily.
The designer apologized and promised to make the changes immediately.Without further delay,he proceeded to change the name but found that the word'physiotherapist' was too long.So he broke it up into three words to make it easier to read.
The next morning,Physio hit the roof when he saw the new name.On the name were written:PHYSIO THE RAPIST
###
An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney.
The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.
"But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs
back home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the
landlord there goes out of his way for the locals: so much so that when
you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman will
buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nuthin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's a pub
called Ryan's Bar. The moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a
drink, then another. all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough
to drink, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the
house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately poured scorn on the Irishman's
claims, but he swears that every word is true.
"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to my
sister."
###
The subway train was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to
stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay cheque in my pocket."
"Oh, really?" she replied, "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise
you've had in the last half hour."
###
Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drin k of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I
have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy!"
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she
sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty
dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I
can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands
next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a
snack cake
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your
Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
###
A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl. "What's your name girl & how old are you?"
"My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old."
"OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull."
"Very good! That's correct. Now here's a Barbie doll for you. Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause."
The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Math & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers."
The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was.
"OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of cock?"
The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee ***!"
(This topic has been closed.)
###
One day, a child asked, "Daddy, how was I born?"
Dad says, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need
to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first
got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a
date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-
cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as
I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one
of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to
hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little
Popup appeared and said:
....."You've Got Male!"
###
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the mess of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter when typing, and his note was sent instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the elderly, grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the computer screen, let out a piercing
scream before falling to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
###
One day a mailman was out on his duties when he saw a woman and a REALLY ugly child so he went over and said,"wow,that child is so ugly,dang girl!"so the woman told the mailman to go away and she started crying.A passer-by went over to the woman and said,"oh,don't cry.Look here's a tissue for you and a banana for that chimp!"
###
A girl was having trouble with my computer. So she called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave her a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, she called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied,
"It was an ID ten T error."
she didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
"An ID ten T error?
What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned....
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," she replied.
"Write it down," he said, "
and I think you'll figure it out."
So she wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T
###
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff --
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!"
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know shit?
salty2:48 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
|
Do I look like Luan Mian Mian?
After watching superstar with Little Prince, I rush home for the 2nd last episode of 谈判专家. Just as I was trying hard to push my toes in, his sister said this:"Where is your gf?" "There..." "Tell your gf she look like the Luan Mian Mian...haha" -_-" I think most probably because of my skin colour.=(
Thursday, August 11, 2005
salty11:46 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
|
Conservative Mind
I was surfing net while mum knocked off from work.Mum: "I want to talk to you."Upon seeing her worried face, I knew it wasn't going to be good news.Me: "What?"Mum: "Your dad just now asked me how long you have been with XXX. Mum just want to sit down and have a talk about that since you don't really talked about him much."Me: (Puzzled)Mum: "He asked me if you are seeing XXX."Me: (What the~) "Didn't he knew that long ago?"Mum: "Cos he feel that it is not very good because you two have the same surname."Me: (WTF?!) "Pls loh~ now is wad centuary liao."Mum: "Ya~ That's wad I told him, and that your Aunt and Uncle also having same surname. But he just dun like the idea I suppose. And he asked if you two can just be friends not."Me: (Shocked and angry) "Wad do u THINK? Together so long le den u all asking this type of stupid questions."I definitely won't give a damn about this matter anymore just feeling very very ridiculous about their request. Initially, I wanted very much to asked her Can you just be friends with Dad?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
salty11:09 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
|
My Day
Life can be boring if there is too much restriction isn't it? Company is starting to use BlueCoat to protect our machine from viruses, spyware etc, but it also prevent us from going to msn and hotmail, gmail etc. Sian! Why can't they just spare us some entertainment sites?
###
Recently had been having a headache at work. Just when I bent down to check if something was drop under desk, all blood seem to gather around the brain, causing a giddiness and follow by a brain-hang.
###
Every morning I will carry a book and read it in the train standing most of the time. Sometimes, a nueseaness grew from my inner body after standing too long I suppose. Feel like rushing out of the train. Can't stand anymore. Can't stand anymore! I thought.
Friday, August 05, 2005
salty12:05 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
|
Have a break, Have a joke! ^-^
Who is smarter?Four MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.Then they went up to the dean and said that they had gone to a wedding last night and on their return,the tyre of their car burst.They had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The Dean was a just person.So he told them that they can have a retest after three days.
After 3 days, they said they were ready.On the third day,they appeared before the Dean.The dean said that as this was a special condition,all four were required to be in separate rooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.The test consisted of two questions with a total marks of 100.
Question 1:Write down your Name. (2 Marks)
Question 2:Which tyre burst? ( 98 Marks)
###
Man : Where are you from?
Woman : U.S.A
Man : Are you here on vacation?
Woman : No lah! I'm here for lunch.
Man : What!!! All the way from United States of America!!!
Woman : No lah! Upper Serangoon Avenue.
Man : !!@#$%
*********************************************************
A customer went to snack bar and ordered a hamburger.
When 20 minutes had gone and his food hadn't arrived, the irritated
customer asked the waiter.
Customer: Will my hamburger be long?
Waiter: No, sir...it will be round.
********************************************************
Two young boys was having their morning breakfast of hot chocolate and
cereal.
As he almost finished his meal, the younger of the two headed for
their aquarium, his hand full of cereal.
Just when he was about to feed the turtles and the fish, his mother came
into the room.
"Don't do it, Kamal", she said."They'll die."
The boy's face turned pale and gave his mother a desperate look,
"Then why did you give it to us ?"
*********************************************************
Diner: Waiter, look at this chicken, nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: What else do u want, feathers?
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
*********************************************************
Ben: These ice-cream are too expensive
John: Stop complaining and pay with a smile.
Ben: I wish I could but the man insists on cash!
*********************************************************
Almost bald man: Why do u always charge me double?
You ought to charge me cheaper for I don't have much hair!
Barber: No, no! We ! don't charge for cutting the hair!
We charge for having to search for it!
###
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see
the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time!"
###
Condom says to Kotex,
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine
months
============================
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have
your
tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick
on
his face!"
===============================
A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her
apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!"
so he ran off with the TV and VCD...
===============================
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so
I can have a NEW ! ONE every morning!
===========================
A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and
blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown.
Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")
=============================
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3
times
a day as I advised?
Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
============================
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid Replied:
"MASTURBATING."(master bathing)
###
Dad Eats Lightbulbs
Little Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family that does something amazing. The next day, he returns and tells the class that his father eats lightbulbs.
"How do you know that?" asks his teacher.
"I heard him say it.
He and Mom were in the bedroom and he said 'I'll only eat that thing if you turn out the light.'"
###Baby Jokes
DEAD GOLDFISH
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to,he politely asked,"What are you up to there,Tim?"
"My goldfish died,"replied Tim tearfully,without looking up,"and I've just buried him."
The neighbour said,"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,isn't it,Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied,"That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."
WHISPER
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said,"Mommy,I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy,"It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.So,from now on whenever you have to 'pee', just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."
The following Sunday,the little boy went to church with his father and during the service,said to his father,"Daddy,I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said,"Okay,why don't you whisper in my ear."
BABY FOOD
A three year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.
He inquisitively asked the lady,"Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied,"I'm having a baby."
With big eyes,he asked,"Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered,"He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look,asked,"Is it a good baby?"
She said,"Oh, yes.It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look,he asked,"Then why did you eat him?"
###Listen Before You Interrupt
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
###Stress Reliever
Stress Reliever .. 1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why ?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
can there be greater than this one?"
__________________________________________
Stress Reliever ... 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
__________________________________________
Stress Reliever .. 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
__________________________________________
Stress Reliever ... 4
Wife to husband: " What's your excuse for coming home at this time of
the night?"
Husband to wife: " Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: " What ? At 2 am ? "
Husband to wife: " Yes, We used night clubs."
###Wealthy Man
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "You received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
###Things to do when u in the lift
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, “Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, “That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, “Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, “Group Hug!”and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, “Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, “I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers, “This is MY personal space."
salty10:14 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work
Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work
1. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
2. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
3. I was working smarter - not harder.
4. Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout.
5. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm! !
6. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
7. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
8. I'm in the management training program.
9. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
10. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
11. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
12. No! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
13. The coffee machine is broken....
14. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
15. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off.
16. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaho! lic!
17. I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.
18. The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
19. Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.
20. I'm just resting my eyes.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
salty10:50 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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sick, and sick and SICK
What a bloody cold day, virus all over the body, eating up all the good cells, making me sick, and sick and SICK.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
salty7:38 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Korean Show - Addicted
Saw this movie yesterday and found it got a nice plot, quite addictive indeed. This movie is about a furniture designer(HeJun), staying together with his wife(Ensu) and his younger brother(DaJun), a car racer, in a small warming hut. Every morning before the wife went to work, she will write a love letter and left it in the small letter box for husband. The husband will collect it, read and reply with another letter. On one rainy night after the wife had knocked off, her husband was waiting patiently with an umbrella. Ensu: Did you hear that? That's my favourite song! How wonderful to hear this song on a rainy night.The husband just smile. He turned and gave a wink to the uncle standing outside a music store. The husband was a caring person. Despite being a great husband, he cooked a sumptuous dinner for their wedding anniversary that night, and even got her wife's broken necklace fixed as a present. The present was a gift made from her father from a plant seed when she was young.On one occasion, HeJun was late for his brother's car racing competition, so he took a cab. Because the cab driver knew that he was late, he sped. DaJun, on the other hand, having difficulty in controlling the steeling wheels, and both of them met accident on the same day.HeJun condition worsen after a few days, yet DaJun miracle survived. However, things are behaving weirdly. DaJun eventually recovered but he was behaving like his brother. Preparing sumptuous dinner, making furniture with his brother's workspace in the day, and even claimed that he was HeJun. The wife didn't believed at first. She went to consult the doctor but was certified that there is a possibility of having her husband's spirit possession on DaJun's body. The wife finally believed that Dijon was now her husband after he told her all the memories they had in detailed. Few days later, the doctor suggested to put an end to HeJun's life as the organ in his body had began to decompose severely after his brain dead, and they agreed.Everything was back to normal again. DaJun was preparing a bunter exhibition while the wife went to work as normal. Just as DaJun's girlfriend(X) went to bid goodbye to him, she saw the wife's necklace in a bottle. She took it with her. Few days later, the wife received a letter from X and the necklace. On the letter, she finally gave up her relationship with DaJun, and she couldn't understand such a sick love exists. The wife, somehow being hinted by her and went to DaJun's garage where she found a lot of her photos and a diary.Initially, DaJun met Ensu years ago while he was capturing scenery with his camera. It was love at first sight. He didn't get to know her until one night, his brother brought a girl during their drinking session. It was Ensu. Ensu and his brother finally got married and lived together. DaJun felt sad but when the thought of getting to see ensue everyday makes him warmed his heart. He had a close relationship with his brother who doesn't understand woman. So, he taught him how to be a romantic man, help him write love letter, everything. And his bother would shared every little secrets between him and his wife. Finally he got this chance to take care of his love one after his brother past away. I'm sorry brother, but, I knew her first.
Monday, August 01, 2005
salty10:33 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Realistic Joke
A young girl missed her period for two months...Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant now.....
Shouting, Cursing, Crying, the mother scream :"Who was the pig that did this to you?. I want to know...!!!!!".
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari Car stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with dark hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house slowly ..
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take the responsibility ..
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach Villa and a $1,000,000 bank account .. If a boy is born,
my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account .
If it is twins, 5 factory each and $5,000,000 for each child .
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?".
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places his hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him : " You Can Try Again ! "
salty10:57 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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mEMORIES
stuff u kan insert here are:
video clips
songs/lyrics
counters
ur fanlistings
archives
a huggie counter
pictures
and etc.
blublackallrightsreservd