The Story of SaltedCoffee
我,30岁了!
我,30岁了。时间过得好快。还没来得及适应,再过两个月又加一了。
人长这麽大,到底学会了什麽呢?
这些长年累月,一点一滴的曾经,造就了现在的我。
曾经执著的,追求的,盼望的,放下了,看开了,许多,许多。。。
人变得越来越有趣。出口大骂,毫无顾忌。真爽啊!
在这个社会上没几个能像我这样哦!
人生本来就该这样活着才有意义嘛!哈哈
什麽是爱情,友情,亲情?
这三条情我都伤过。有时觉得这三条情都不重要,可是却又缺一不可,就像氧气,水和食物。
没有氧气,水或食物的任何时候都很难受。
不过也是在经历过缺乏这三样东西的时候,感受到它的重要性因此更珍惜它。
虽然不是一定要拥有,不过同时拥有会很幸福。
最近有人告诉我,她的一个好朋友在大年初一过世了。
真的由衷感到难过。也再次提醒了我,人生是多麽短暂。
人生真的很脆弱,下一秒会不会还在世上,谁也不晓得。
所以别太执著,一切顺其自然,保持开心的状态活着最好。
有什麽梦想快点去追,有爱慕的人快去表白,有心结就快结。
祝大家都有美好结果!
Saturday, February 27, 2016
salty2:37 AM
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Baker King, Kim Tak Goo!
Finally finished watching this 30 episodes korean drama! :) Alot of touching scenes and dialogues used in this drama. These are some meaningful quotes from the show:- 在成为一个企业家之前,我们首先都是做面包的人! 这世界上没有任何东西是比人更重要的。 在活着的日子里,什麽事情都没有终点。不会因为今天过得好,人生就结束了。不会因为今天过得不好,人生就结束了。不论是好事还是坏事,到最后都会过去的。所以,我们因该一直笑着走下去。 There are alot of hidden message in the show, reminding us that perserverance, determination and trusting your own capabilities will be able to bring one step towards your goal. Learnt to forgive and forget. Never give yourself up when you met difficulties in life. Life is too short to be given away! =) Human knew the correct way of doing things, but we tend to forget about these golden words and thus, reminder are always needed from one another. I must also learnt to smile when I met any difficulties in life! =D
Friday, April 01, 2011
salty2:17 AM
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Part of Life
I think, I'm quite a failure product by Adam and Eve. Lol. Forgive me for thinking like that, sometimes, things just goes harewire in certain period of your life, and that's when you start to grumble grumble and all the Why Why questions will appear. Example: "Why so unfair?", "Why there is no increment this year?", "Why am I still studying?", "Why can't I be a rich woman?". Have you ever thought that human come to this world simply for two reasons: To ask why and to resolve it. Go back and think about it, and this can be quite true. =)
The reason why I think I'm a failure product is because I tried the best to have a relationship and it fails. So I concentrate on building friendship and it fails too! Lol. It can be really sad to see friendship among friends turn sour and you can only watch. I know I have to do something and I will try my best to save this group of people. =) It's just another part of my life and I want to handle it in the way that I will never ever regret.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
salty12:01 AM
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除非我瞎了
回头,除非我瞎了,心也瞎了
Saturday, November 01, 2008
salty9:07 PM
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道理是什麽?
原来~当你真正放开一切时,你才了解什麽是放开。
原来~道理是许许多多的经历,执著,痛苦,摸索及悔恨才领悟到的。
“莫强求”这个道理又有多少人光说不炼呢?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
salty3:22 PM
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悄悄
你悄悄的收回给我的爱
却忘了带走你给我的记忆
视线模糊了
世界灰暗了
怎麽可能再次微笑
怎麽可能再爱一次
我收起妄想之心
慢慢删除所有记忆
也关闭了那扇门
从此无人能触摸我的心
只因钥匙早已毁灭
Friday, January 11, 2008
salty1:25 PM
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原来。。。
原来幸福不一定要看得到才能够体会。。
原来幸福是。。。在你放弃一些东西后,才能得到。。
Saturday, November 17, 2007
salty10:43 PM
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一时的想不开
曾几何时,那份体贴是那嬷的温暖,那嬷的真实。
如今那份体贴似乎早已被伤痛掩盖。
累计已久的伤痛化为伤痕,伤痕化为麻木。
也许是小气鬼作祟,总是看不开。
老希望别人能谅解,当别人无法谅解时,就会化为悲愤。
这种恶性循环真是要不得啊!
真正羡慕那些能够放下小气之心,敞开心胸的男女。
《女人在意小事,视小事为大事。男人在意面子,视小事为无事。》
Monday, July 02, 2007
salty11:32 PM
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Brand new beginning
Its the second day of my second job, a fresh start, I'm not use to it though. As expected, I've been praying hard not to be posted out but my prayers are not heard. Sigh~ Not quite use to the environment cos there no longer have your own personal rubbish bin, small desk, bigger monitor, not enough space to write your stuff, not enough space to develop your creativity by furnish my cubicle with adorable stuff toys and displays. Sigh. The colleagues here are very friendly though abit out of mind lol. Superviser are just like the youngers here thus made me feel quite comfy. Okay, I shall not further elaborate the boring chapters. In general, expect the location, everything should be perfect. However human are not easily satisfy animal, just like the pepsi slogan "Ask For More"! lol. After accepting the current job the first thing I regret was not asking for higher pay. Let see if I'll like what i'll be doing in 2 weeks time.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
salty4:04 PM
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Another one
Rabbit's Revenge
Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other guts.
One day whilst arguing in the forrest, the bear lost his temper and kicked an old lamp that had been left by campers.
To their surprize a genie popped out and granted them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." His wish was granted.
The Genie turned to the rabbit who said "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.
"And for your second wish bear?" Demanded the genie, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." He got his wish.
The rabbit without delay took his second wish, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet."
"Final wish bear!" Bellowed the genie. The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." After having his wish granted he smirked at the rabbit and strutted off into the forrest.
The rabbits eyes lit up, he turned to the genie and he said, "For my last wish, I wish that bear was gay."
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Mysterious Death
There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11....
.... Boh Tau Nou, the part-time Sunday cleaner, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Friday, August 26, 2005
salty3:08 PM
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Beneath The Skin
This time Nicci French adopt a different writing style, making the victim to be the lead, combining the story with 3 different women, 3 different story.The first victim, Zoe. Being a primary school teacher at... and became famous for her heroine act attacking a robbery with her watermelon along the pathment. That when she started to recieve threatening letters, similar to a love letter, describing her daily life in details which she didn't even notice herself. Upon recieving a multilated drawing of her body in her bed by one of her student, she didn't dare to stay alone in her house anymore and move to Lousie's house. Just when she was packing up her stuff, she was murdered in her house.The second woman was Jennifer, a housewife of 3 boys. Due to the lack of protection for Zoe, the police adopt more secure protection to the second one. They have found a locket at Zoe's house which belongs to Jenny's. To their horror, They found a picture of Zoe in Jenny's husband, Clive's private study room. Eventually, they began to suspect Clive for he was actually having an affair with Zoe. The smart murderer successfully mislead the police into suspecting the wrong person and attack the victim immediately after the police lower down their guards.Nadia Blake was his third target. She had fall into his target list in one occasion when she had problem dealing with her ancient computer and conincidentally seeked the murderer for help. He began to send her letter as what he did previously, and followed by the police protection, where Nadia started her affair with the married policeman, Stadle Cameron. On one occasion, she met Christo the youngest son of Jenny and their nanny, Lena while performing at a birthday party, where she knew about the fact that there are 2 victims before her. To her horror, she blackmail Cameron to bring all the police files for her personal investigation. Though he is smart, he has underestimate this victim's ability, but were in vain. After all the investigation, she began to know more about Zoe and Jenny, and the only connection through them - Morris Burnside, the computer expect she had approached for her problem, Zoe's bf's friend, Jenny's elder son's friend. Initially he still try to mislead Nadia into believing that Staddle might be the murderer for the fact that police are the only people having access to other victims house. Fortunately, she found out about the last connection between the 3 of them through the photo of the murderer and Zoe's boyfriend. So Fred murder Zoe out of humiliation and angry because she jilted him. Morris is a random picker. Pschologist have analyzed that the reason may be multiple, abused, humiliation, pampered at a young age that lead them to a pschopath.Comment: Now, this time I really think the police in the plot are really useless bum. The victim end up becoming the heroine of the case, napping the two murderer and save her life. If this happend in reality, I don't really think a female can do much but there is always exceptional case. Well, this will test the survival skill of each individual don't you think so? Afterall, it is a nice plot, brilliant indeed. I liked the story and every characters, and what about you?
Monday, August 22, 2005
salty3:51 PM
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Jokes
Phua Chu Kang was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.... "1 day,I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I run until I get 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. O God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I called my boss and said, I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1?" THE END....
Income version: At Income, you 1 2 make a report, Tommy Koh says to have 3 points, if 4 points, the brain cannot take it. If no common sense, you get 5. 6 right. Better go to floor 7 Conference Room and hide or jump into the pool at floor 8. Every night leave office at 9, shop till 10, go home let mother father scold. The next day, I go to work at 10, when it is supposed to be 9. I change the clock at Mr Goh's to 8, go past 7 glass doors,and so unlucky see my floor 6 supervisor. He says: "Where is the 5 pieces of work due since August 4?" I say the baby ate 3 and the cat ate 2. He said: "I only have 1 option for you. Please go". Oh-Oh. I say. Very The End.
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Job Application for the newly Integrated Resort
Since the IR has been approved, the underworld is looking for recruits. This one - CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY, a Geylang-based organization for youth, is now recruiting members to fulfill a tender they are submitting to the new casi? Sorry, sorry, integrated resort. Please fill in the form below and mail to: Mr. Chao Ah Beng Membership Occifer Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society 69 Geylang Lorong 69 Singapore 696969 Reference code: chapsartiam.com APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP IN CHAP SAR TIAM SECRET SOCIETY 1. NRIC No.: _________________ 2. Surname: __________________ 3. First name: (please X) [ ] Johnson [ ] Benson [ ] Samson [ ] Hamson [ ] Janson [ ] Other: _________________ (if not ending in son? please explain why) 4. Chinese Name: Ah __________(if not beginning with Ah? please explain why) 5. Age: [ ] Under 35 [ ] Lau Beng 6. Sex: [ ] M [ ] F [ ] at Geylang 7. Length of Last Fingernail: ________ (cm) 8. Ability to squat for: [ ] 1 hour [ ] 2 hours [ ] more than 2 hours (wah, steady!) 9. Hairstyle: [ ] Spiky [ ] Dyed with streaks of blond [ ] Dyed with streaks of red [ ] Two strands dangling in front of eyes [ ] Kana mop like that [ ] Perm (please state which saloon in JB you went)____________________ 10. Tattoo of: [ ] Tiger [ ] Dragon [ ] Snake [ ] Eagle [ ] Hello Kitty 11. Work experience: (please X all that apply) [ ] KTV Launge Bouncer [ ] Snooker Hall Attendant [ ] Unlicensed Contractor [ ] Freelance debt collector [ ] Unlicensed bookie [ ] Dispute Resolution and Settlement Professional [ ] Unemployed 12. Spouse's Name: _________________________ 2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________ 3rd Spouse's Name: (the one in Batam, that one) _________________________ Lover's Name: _________________________ 2nd Lover's Name: (Lorong 69, that pooi-pooi one) _________________________ 13. Number of children living in household: ____ Number of children living in foster care: ____ Number of children that are actually yours: ____ 14. Mother's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank) 15. Father's Name: _________________________ (If not sure, leave blank) 16. Education: (Circle how many years it took you to finish primary school) 8 9 10 11 12 17. Ability to swear: (please X all that apply) [ ] Hokkien [ ] English [ ] Malay [ ] Tamil [ ] Cantonese [ ] rude hand gestures 18. Service performed in previous secret society: [ ] Leadership/Tua Tao [ ] Junior management/Suay Tao [ ] Physical activities/Hooting [ ] Dispute Resolution and settlement/Cham Siong [ ] Lookout/Kuah Chui
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A Chinese went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to a famous Hollywood producer, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol. The producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the producer. Picking himself up, he yelled, "What was that for?" The producer ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you $B%'%'(J@@!!$B%'%'(J! My dad perished in that bombing!" "I am not Japanese, you stupid Nincompoop! I am a Chinese!" "Yeah yeah yeah ...Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, ... you are all the same." Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a deadly snake fist to the producer, sending him flat to the floor. "What was that for?!!" exclaimed the producer. "That's for the sinking of the TITANIC! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied. "You ignorant chink! The TITANIC was sunk by an iceberg! " shouted the producer. "Yeah yeah yeah... Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!"
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General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?" "Very well trained, Gen. McKenzie." Gen McKenzie: "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." Gen Marshall: "Well, my men are very brave, too." Gen McKenzie: "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" Private Johnson: "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
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The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store
What great greetings! Nowadays greetings are getting wackier! I will consider getting no.4. And you? 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you . 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me . 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.. (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. 5. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you . 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age.... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike ! 7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card!) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise . 8. We've been friends for a very long time... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop ? 9. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here . 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was ? 11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often . 12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep . 13. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder... (Inside card) - What was I thinking ? 14. Congratulations on your wedding day! (Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband/wife.
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For those who appreciate intellectually stimulating humour...... and have the time to read, enjoy a laugh......... One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
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Ah Lian called big brother Ah Beng over the telephone. Lian: "Ah Beng kor, I can't get my new jig saw puzzle fixed, mah-chiam all the edges cannot fix together, lah." Beng: "Jig saw puzzle si mi picture, ha?" Lian: "The box show a big rooster, kanna like the one in talkingcock.com." Beng: "Okay, lah, okay, lah. I come over to tor-long lu, lah." Ah Beng arrives at Ah Lian's place, where she happily leads him to the kitchen table where the jigsaw puzzle is. Ah Beng examines the puzzle and says, "Si ghee na, si bay gong, put back the corn flakes into the box, lah." ***************************************************** Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?" Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!" The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. Tt seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..." At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Aiyoh, Ah Seng! Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!" *********************************************** QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien? ANSWER : Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah". QUESTION : How do Hokkien prawns laugh? ANSWER: Hae hae hae (hokkien for prawns) QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh? ANSWER : Hee hee hee (hokkien for fish) And here is a classic.............. QUESTION : What's the difference between Ang-mor and Hokkien fairy Tales? ANSWER: Ang-mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." and Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim Peh ka li kong..."
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A woman, who was pregnant with twins, got into a car accident and went into a coma... She was rushed to the hospital where doctors delivered her twins to save them. But as she was in a coma and her husband was overseas on business, her brother was the only one present to name her children. When she came out of the coma, hours after arriving at the hospital and found out that her brother had named the twins, she was very worried. Her brother was not very bright, and she didn't think he would have done a very good job of choosing her kids' names. When he came in to see her she asked, "So what names did you choose for my children?" He replied, "The first born was a girl." "Oh," started the woman, "and what did you name her??" "Denise," answered her brother. The woman was very surprised, and very pleased, "Hey, that's not half bad!" She exclaimed to her brother. "And what did you name the second child?" She waited excitedly to hear the name her brother had chosen for the other child. "Well, the next born was a boy," her brother informed her. "Yes, and what did you name him??" inquired the woman. Replied the brother, "Denephew."
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Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" ''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--" ''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" ''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--'' ''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so. ''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"
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Details unverified.Excerpts from one of the chatroom being monitored by CMT (Chatroom Monitoring Team) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it", he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55 mph. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60 mph."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need." she says. Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. ......................................"I have got the airbag".... Never underestimate how a woman thinks. Moral of the story: Buy Toyota VIOS as it has only one airbag (for driver only). The husband sure die and wife gets everything! So, for a husband don't buy a Vios today.... Husbands, pls take insurance! but.. think twice for MCIS insurance. Know why? " M.C.I.S "= Mati Cepat Isteri Senang -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Full name,MCIS Zurich Insurance.Based in Malaysia offering both life and motor products.
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What Did The Boy Octopus Say To The Girl Octopus? I Want To Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand,Hand, Hand, Hand! What Do You Call Four Bullfighters in Quicksand? Quatro Sinko. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long? Polaroids What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Come Back? A Stick. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. Why Are Fish So Easy To Weigh? Because They Have Their Own Scales! Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. Mom: Eat Up Your Spinach, It'll Put Color In Your Cheeks. Child: But I Don't Want Green Cheeks ! What Do You Call Skydiving Lawyers? Skeet. What Happened When The Wheel Was Invented ? It Caused A Revolution ! "Quick, Take The Wheel", Said The Nervous Driver. "Why ?" "Because There Is A Tree Coming Straight For Us !" What Is the Best Way To Confuse A Drummer? Put A Sheet Of Music In Front Of Him.
salty12:05 PM
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We won't be back for sure
Because during yesterday celebration, the other team mates accused us of stealing their people to our side (in a jokingly manner), we decided to give them face and join them for lunch today. The reason why we seldom join them is because they've got a large group loh! 10 bloody people I suppose, then plus us will be over ten, how to find places during peak hours like that?So we ended up ordering food from one of the stall in SunShine Plaza. We ordered whatever food we like and sat down chitchat. Suddenly, a familiar voice entered my ears 死鸡! That word and the face that came immediately into mye eyes really shock the hell out of me. It was LF that stupid octopus. Kinda miss her since the last time we met. We chat for a while and back to seats. I always thought one good thing about going lunch with them is that you will get to eat delicious food for they are more familiar with the areas around here. No, I was wrong, they always choose place where there is enough seats for all of us, not because the food was delicious. So, this is going to be our first and last visit.To be honest, they've got very good service. But good service don't attract customers if your food is no good. Most of them ordered Ma Po Tou Fu, Pineapple Rice, Sweet & Sour Fish, Curry Chicken Rice while I ordered a plate of Spicy Minced Chicken With Water Chestnut. Really want my life arh! Damn hot, damn wierd combination when the water chestnut is served in large cube, look like potato taste like stone? I really couldn't finish though it was such a small portion. Though the food is bad, their service is good. The Boss lady explained that she didn't make it in time to stop her daughter in putting the large portion of chilli, and upon seeing me not ordering any drinks, she went in and cut a slice of watermelon. Nevertheless, we won't be back for sure.***Updated blog @ 3.55PMI made a big joke during lunch when LY asked me what I've ordered(Ni Jiao Shen Mo?). I answered without thinking (Wo Jiao "My Name")...
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
salty2:55 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
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Just For Laugh
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally
demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of
the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left!
Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be
friends and not try to pin the blame on each other." The man replies, "Oh
yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another
miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,
opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then
hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the
cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll
just wait for the police..."
###
The multi-purpose FutureCard will be the version of our perpetually
metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can
also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license,
act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the
National Library...what ever you do with the card...you will
be tracked! It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad,
depending the
situation) However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable
control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As
the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas
in the near future...
Ah Beng's FutureCard ( Likely Scenerio )
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Geylang. May I have your..."
Ah Beng: "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."
Operator: "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"
Ah Beng: "It's arh..., hold on prease, arh..... S6102-0499-54610FC"
Operator: "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're
calling from 17-D Lorong 14, Geylang. Your home number is 6782 8828, your
office 6782 8838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling
from now Sir?
Ah Beng: "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"
Operator: "We are connected to the 'FutureCard' system Sir"
Ah Beng: "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Ah Beng: "Why....Cannot arh?"
Operator: "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Ah Beng: "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend
lah?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Ah Beng: "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the
National Library last week Sir"
Ah Beng: "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han... I give up... Gif me three family sized
ones then, how much arh?
Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is
$45..."
Ah Beng: "I pay by FutureCard...Can or Not ?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you're owing your bank $6720.55- since October last
year"
Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!... Everything also know...chiat lat!"
Operator: "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing
loan Sir.
Ah Beng: "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my
house lor"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily
limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for
4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"
Ah Beng: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my Ah Mah.
How long arh?"
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come
and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are
only 5 mins away"
Ah Beng: "Where got transport?"
Operator: "According to the details in your FutureCard", you own a Honda
Scooter, ...registration number FE 3288..."
Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
Ah Beng: [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brush with
the law]
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Ah Beng: "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles
of cola as advertised or not?"
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
diabetic....... "
Ah Beng: [Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his
family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow']
###
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter - ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
has to drop off. Otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able
to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman,
she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men
in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished
her speech, all the men started clapping their hands..
###
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".
###
One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river and her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, an angel appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and she needed the thimble to make her living.
The angel went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the angel asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The angel again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the angel asked. Again the seamstress replied, "No." The angel went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the angel asked. "The seamstress replied, "Yes." The angel was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out the angel again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh, my husband has fallen into the water!" The angel went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband?" the angel asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The angel was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Then,if had I said 'yes' you would have given me all three. I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S WHY I said yes to Mel Gibson."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others.
###
Physio was an intelligent boy.After doing a physiotherapy course abroad for 3 years, he returned home and set up a clinic in his hometown.
He asked a designer to make a new name plate to be hung on the wall outside his clinic.The next morning, when he went to his clinic,he was pleased to find that the name plate was already put up.However, he was greatly annoyed by the wordings on the plate;TUKANG URUT.He went to the designer and took him to task.
"How can you insult my profession?'Tukang Urut' means masseur in Malay.I am a physiotherapist and not a masseur!Make sure you change the name right now and see that the word is spelt correctly!" Physio said angrily.
The designer apologized and promised to make the changes immediately.Without further delay,he proceeded to change the name but found that the word'physiotherapist' was too long.So he broke it up into three words to make it easier to read.
The next morning,Physio hit the roof when he saw the new name.On the name were written:PHYSIO THE RAPIST
###
An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney.
The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.
"But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs
back home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the
landlord there goes out of his way for the locals: so much so that when
you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman will
buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nuthin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's a pub
called Ryan's Bar. The moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a
drink, then another. all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough
to drink, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the
house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately poured scorn on the Irishman's
claims, but he swears that every word is true.
"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to my
sister."
###
The subway train was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to
stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said,
"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay cheque in my pocket."
"Oh, really?" she replied, "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise
you've had in the last half hour."
###
Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drin k of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I
have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy!"
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she
sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty
dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two,
that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy
Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I
can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands
next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a
snack cake
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your
Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
###
A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl. "What's your name girl & how old are you?"
"My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old."
"OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull."
"Very good! That's correct. Now here's a Barbie doll for you. Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause."
The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Math & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers."
The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was.
"OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of cock?"
The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee ***!"
(This topic has been closed.)
###
One day, a child asked, "Daddy, how was I born?"
Dad says, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need
to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first
got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a
date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-
cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as
I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one
of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to
hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little
Popup appeared and said:
....."You've Got Male!"
###
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the mess of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter when typing, and his note was sent instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the elderly, grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the computer screen, let out a piercing
scream before falling to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
PS. Sure is hot down here.
###
One day a mailman was out on his duties when he saw a woman and a REALLY ugly child so he went over and said,"wow,that child is so ugly,dang girl!"so the woman told the mailman to go away and she started crying.A passer-by went over to the woman and said,"oh,don't cry.Look here's a tissue for you and a banana for that chimp!"
###
A girl was having trouble with my computer. So she called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave her a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, she called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied,
"It was an ID ten T error."
she didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
"An ID ten T error?
What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned....
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," she replied.
"Write it down," he said, "
and I think you'll figure it out."
So she wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T
###
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff --
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea!"
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know shit?
salty2:48 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
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Do I look like Luan Mian Mian?
After watching superstar with Little Prince, I rush home for the 2nd last episode of 谈判专家. Just as I was trying hard to push my toes in, his sister said this:"Where is your gf?" "There..." "Tell your gf she look like the Luan Mian Mian...haha" -_-" I think most probably because of my skin colour.=(
Thursday, August 11, 2005
salty11:46 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
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Conservative Mind
I was surfing net while mum knocked off from work.Mum: "I want to talk to you."Upon seeing her worried face, I knew it wasn't going to be good news.Me: "What?"Mum: "Your dad just now asked me how long you have been with XXX. Mum just want to sit down and have a talk about that since you don't really talked about him much."Me: (Puzzled)Mum: "He asked me if you are seeing XXX."Me: (What the~) "Didn't he knew that long ago?"Mum: "Cos he feel that it is not very good because you two have the same surname."Me: (WTF?!) "Pls loh~ now is wad centuary liao."Mum: "Ya~ That's wad I told him, and that your Aunt and Uncle also having same surname. But he just dun like the idea I suppose. And he asked if you two can just be friends not."Me: (Shocked and angry) "Wad do u THINK? Together so long le den u all asking this type of stupid questions."I definitely won't give a damn about this matter anymore just feeling very very ridiculous about their request. Initially, I wanted very much to asked her Can you just be friends with Dad?
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
salty11:09 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
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My Day
Life can be boring if there is too much restriction isn't it? Company is starting to use BlueCoat to protect our machine from viruses, spyware etc, but it also prevent us from going to msn and hotmail, gmail etc. Sian! Why can't they just spare us some entertainment sites?
###
Recently had been having a headache at work. Just when I bent down to check if something was drop under desk, all blood seem to gather around the brain, causing a giddiness and follow by a brain-hang.
###
Every morning I will carry a book and read it in the train standing most of the time. Sometimes, a nueseaness grew from my inner body after standing too long I suppose. Feel like rushing out of the train. Can't stand anymore. Can't stand anymore! I thought.
Friday, August 05, 2005
salty12:05 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
___________________
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Have a break, Have a joke! ^-^
Who is smarter?Four MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.Then they went up to the dean and said that they had gone to a wedding last night and on their return,the tyre of their car burst.They had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The Dean was a just person.So he told them that they can have a retest after three days.
After 3 days, they said they were ready.On the third day,they appeared before the Dean.The dean said that as this was a special condition,all four were required to be in separate rooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.The test consisted of two questions with a total marks of 100.
Question 1:Write down your Name. (2 Marks)
Question 2:Which tyre burst? ( 98 Marks)
###
Man : Where are you from?
Woman : U.S.A
Man : Are you here on vacation?
Woman : No lah! I'm here for lunch.
Man : What!!! All the way from United States of America!!!
Woman : No lah! Upper Serangoon Avenue.
Man : !!@#$%
*********************************************************
A customer went to snack bar and ordered a hamburger.
When 20 minutes had gone and his food hadn't arrived, the irritated
customer asked the waiter.
Customer: Will my hamburger be long?
Waiter: No, sir...it will be round.
********************************************************
Two young boys was having their morning breakfast of hot chocolate and
cereal.
As he almost finished his meal, the younger of the two headed for
their aquarium, his hand full of cereal.
Just when he was about to feed the turtles and the fish, his mother came
into the room.
"Don't do it, Kamal", she said."They'll die."
The boy's face turned pale and gave his mother a desperate look,
"Then why did you give it to us ?"
*********************************************************
Diner: Waiter, look at this chicken, nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: What else do u want, feathers?
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
*********************************************************
Ben: These ice-cream are too expensive
John: Stop complaining and pay with a smile.
Ben: I wish I could but the man insists on cash!
*********************************************************
Almost bald man: Why do u always charge me double?
You ought to charge me cheaper for I don't have much hair!
Barber: No, no! We ! don't charge for cutting the hair!
We charge for having to search for it!
###
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see
the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time!"
###
Condom says to Kotex,
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine
months
============================
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have
your
tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick
on
his face!"
===============================
A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her
apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!"
so he ran off with the TV and VCD...
===============================
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so
I can have a NEW ! ONE every morning!
===========================
A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big and
blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown.
Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong")
=============================
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3
times
a day as I advised?
Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
============================
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing.....
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid Replied:
"MASTURBATING."(master bathing)
###
Dad Eats Lightbulbs
Little Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family that does something amazing. The next day, he returns and tells the class that his father eats lightbulbs.
"How do you know that?" asks his teacher.
"I heard him say it.
He and Mom were in the bedroom and he said 'I'll only eat that thing if you turn out the light.'"
###Baby Jokes
DEAD GOLDFISH
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to,he politely asked,"What are you up to there,Tim?"
"My goldfish died,"replied Tim tearfully,without looking up,"and I've just buried him."
The neighbour said,"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish,isn't it,Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied,"That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."
WHISPER
A mother took her little boy to church.While in church the little boy said,"Mommy,I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy,"It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.So,from now on whenever you have to 'pee', just tell me that you have to 'whisper'."
The following Sunday,the little boy went to church with his father and during the service,said to his father,"Daddy,I have to whisper."
The father looked at him and said,"Okay,why don't you whisper in my ear."
BABY FOOD
A three year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.
He inquisitively asked the lady,"Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied,"I'm having a baby."
With big eyes,he asked,"Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered,"He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look,asked,"Is it a good baby?"
She said,"Oh, yes.It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look,he asked,"Then why did you eat him?"
###Listen Before You Interrupt
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story about the car going into the woods, the undressing, Aunt Jane laying down on the back seat. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
###Stress Reliever
Stress Reliever .. 1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why ?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
can there be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever ... 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever .. 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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Stress Reliever ... 4
Wife to husband: " What's your excuse for coming home at this time of
the night?"
Husband to wife: " Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: " What ? At 2 am ? "
Husband to wife: " Yes, We used night clubs."
###Wealthy Man
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "You received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
###Things to do when u in the lift
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, “Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, “That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, “Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, “Group Hug!”and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, “Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, “I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers, “This is MY personal space."
salty10:14 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work
Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work
1. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
2. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
3. I was working smarter - not harder.
4. Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout.
5. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm! !
6. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
7. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
8. I'm in the management training program.
9. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
10. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
11. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?
12. No! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
13. The coffee machine is broken....
14. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.
15. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off.
16. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaho! lic!
17. I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands.
18. The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
19. Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.
20. I'm just resting my eyes.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
salty10:50 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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sick, and sick and SICK
What a bloody cold day, virus all over the body, eating up all the good cells, making me sick, and sick and SICK.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
salty7:38 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Korean Show - Addicted
Saw this movie yesterday and found it got a nice plot, quite addictive indeed. This movie is about a furniture designer(HeJun), staying together with his wife(Ensu) and his younger brother(DaJun), a car racer, in a small warming hut. Every morning before the wife went to work, she will write a love letter and left it in the small letter box for husband. The husband will collect it, read and reply with another letter. On one rainy night after the wife had knocked off, her husband was waiting patiently with an umbrella. Ensu: Did you hear that? That's my favourite song! How wonderful to hear this song on a rainy night.The husband just smile. He turned and gave a wink to the uncle standing outside a music store. The husband was a caring person. Despite being a great husband, he cooked a sumptuous dinner for their wedding anniversary that night, and even got her wife's broken necklace fixed as a present. The present was a gift made from her father from a plant seed when she was young.On one occasion, HeJun was late for his brother's car racing competition, so he took a cab. Because the cab driver knew that he was late, he sped. DaJun, on the other hand, having difficulty in controlling the steeling wheels, and both of them met accident on the same day.HeJun condition worsen after a few days, yet DaJun miracle survived. However, things are behaving weirdly. DaJun eventually recovered but he was behaving like his brother. Preparing sumptuous dinner, making furniture with his brother's workspace in the day, and even claimed that he was HeJun. The wife didn't believed at first. She went to consult the doctor but was certified that there is a possibility of having her husband's spirit possession on DaJun's body. The wife finally believed that Dijon was now her husband after he told her all the memories they had in detailed. Few days later, the doctor suggested to put an end to HeJun's life as the organ in his body had began to decompose severely after his brain dead, and they agreed.Everything was back to normal again. DaJun was preparing a bunter exhibition while the wife went to work as normal. Just as DaJun's girlfriend(X) went to bid goodbye to him, she saw the wife's necklace in a bottle. She took it with her. Few days later, the wife received a letter from X and the necklace. On the letter, she finally gave up her relationship with DaJun, and she couldn't understand such a sick love exists. The wife, somehow being hinted by her and went to DaJun's garage where she found a lot of her photos and a diary.Initially, DaJun met Ensu years ago while he was capturing scenery with his camera. It was love at first sight. He didn't get to know her until one night, his brother brought a girl during their drinking session. It was Ensu. Ensu and his brother finally got married and lived together. DaJun felt sad but when the thought of getting to see ensue everyday makes him warmed his heart. He had a close relationship with his brother who doesn't understand woman. So, he taught him how to be a romantic man, help him write love letter, everything. And his bother would shared every little secrets between him and his wife. Finally he got this chance to take care of his love one after his brother past away. I'm sorry brother, but, I knew her first.
Monday, August 01, 2005
salty10:33 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Realistic Joke
A young girl missed her period for two months...Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant now.....
Shouting, Cursing, Crying, the mother scream :"Who was the pig that did this to you?. I want to know...!!!!!".
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari Car stops in front of their house, a mature and distinguished man with dark hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house slowly ..
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take the responsibility ..
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach Villa and a $1,000,000 bank account .. If a boy is born,
my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account .
If it is twins, 5 factory each and $5,000,000 for each child .
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?".
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places his hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him : " You Can Try Again ! "
salty10:57 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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The Safe House
The Plot: Everything seemed fine by Dr Samantha Laschen to move into quiet east-english town of Stamford away from London to setup her clinic managing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
It happened that a viscious double murder occurs where the parents(Leo & Liz Mackenzie) were murdered, leaving the only child(Finn) to survive. Dr. Samantha Laschen is bullied into looking after Fiona Mackenzie, the survivor. After a few doubts, Fiona, the pretender quickly integrates into Samantha's life - until things begin to go horribly wrong.
Ending: Sad to say, the author leave the victim with a loose end or two - but not resolve.
Comments: In the story, I think the most innocent party is Samantha, to lose her lover who has died tragically with the real Finn.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
salty7:03 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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All Alone
I'm getting use to the days without him, without companion. Suddenly feel alone again. Walking in the middle of Singapore, no destination. First time shopping alone, empty handed in the end. Where are all my friends? I thought.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
salty10:53 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Graduation `2005
Finally have the time to have a feel on my keyboard. Finally got chance to wear a formal business suit with a matching skirt for my entire life. Finally, I walked up to stage where I once performed during my secondary school days when my name are called. Finally, I smiled and walked elegantly to receive my cert. Yesh! I've graduated finally, after 3 damn long years of studying in NYP, where we, DBI0202, shared the memories of studying, copying homework, cheating in test, celebrating bird-days for all our classmates and the days when we helped each other in projects and through each sememsters.I was late this morning because my lazy ass don't wanna get up on a weekday morning. In an hours time, I rush here and there in the house getting things done like combing hair, bath, taking lunch, get dressed up and waiting for cab with my mum.
There are things I regret to do. I regret not getting up early. I regret not reaching school early. I regret not taking photos with my friends or who ever I know walked past me so that I can have a picture or two at the nicely decorated graduation board. Because after the graduation ceremony, I got to time to take picture. I got to look for friends whom I planned to take picture with, sms them to meet at a place for photo taking. Meanwhile, Little Prince and others wanted a photo and I was to be the camera gal. I was taking while calling, so busy that I hang up when the line is connected but I have to smile at the same time. So busy that we had to move up to collect our cert while I still busy trying to get my friends contacted. So busy that I finally have time to rest at the refreshment area having photos taken with teachers and friends. So busy taking photos that I neglected my mum who is standing alone at one corner after her small lunch. Because of that she decides to take a leave first and I send her out. After lunch, we meet JP where we had a Sakae Buffet for dinner, which was enough to burst up everyone's stomach. So busy that, by the end of the day, I've forgotten the most important thing - I haven't take any formal photo with my Little Prince.
Oh, what a busy day I had.
BTW, hey guys, where are all my photos?
Thursday, July 28, 2005
salty10:55 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Happy Bird Day to Baby Eeyore!
Once upon a time, there was a myth saying that if a girlfriend give a pair of shoe to her boyfriend or vice versa, the recipient will eventually leave the other party. Isn't true ? I don't know. I usually don't believe this type of crap though KL and ML has warn me about that. "What rubbish", I thought. Because I wasn't convince to this myth, KL suggest to ask my the other party to return me a dollar so as to break the curse if the myth came true. So, my the other party laugh and said if that's the case, he will somehow become the sender.
In the end, I still bought it as his birthday gift yesterday. There wasn't any surprise because whatever I've planned didn't allow me to have enough time to implement, furthermore, he already knew my plan long ago, so what's the point? But after the dinner, he had a sudden craving for drinks and I wasn't able to fulfil this either. Oh, so sad~ How I wish last friday was his bird day so I can celebrate with him till late night.
Didn't I mentioned that the HotPot Buffet at CHinese Feast nearly blow up our stomach? Overall I think the soup was quite nice but the variety of food was little. Desserts like Ma Ti Gao, Bun, Fried dumplings and ice-cream etc were also included in the buffet.
For Your Information:Chinese Feast @ SuntecAdult $16.90 - Lunch BuffetAdult $25.90 - Dinner Buffet
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
salty4:49 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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My first Martini
My jaw dropped once again, due to some news from my ex-poly mates. We had yet another gatherings because ML say she wanted a drink or something. Nowadays she has been addicted to night life. So after dinner, we went have some pool games while waiting for A back from his army life. Wao. Botak. Just like a Nija turtle. Ha. He seem a little black and the first question he asked "Have I lose weigh?" Mm~ how come a guy asked a gal's question. Nothing much change I think only more safety conscience.We went to a nearby pub(forgot what its name). Not much people there, maybe its still early and many are playing pool over there. The names given on the drinks were interesting : Lady Killer, Test tube baby, Am I a Virgin, Blowjob and so on. I had Lychee Martini. Taste like mm, lychee of cos, with a lychee in it, but not as sweet as I thought. I wanted so much to try it as I always read about it in other people's blog. ML had Apple Martini instead, but I think the taste os apple is too much, just lilke drinking apple fizzy drinks.I promised my dad to reached home at 1am. Expectedly, he was waiting downstair for me again.Dad: Why so late? Got so much things to say meh?Me : No ma... A just came back and we just have a small gatherings loh..Dad : Where were you just now?Me : Mm...dunno wad complex loh...there...the one got Macdonald one loh...Dad : Aiya..dun tell me that lah I dunno.I didn't dare to stand close to him to avoid my smell from reaching his nose. =P
Saturday, July 23, 2005
salty1:50 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Open Your Eyes
I'm begining to like this song. Ah Mei's Open your eyes. Yesterday's Super Star Kelly sang that. I think its the type of songs her choose to sing that touch the judges. Because it is a sad song where you can feel your heart sink to the bottom, your nose tip turn sour if the singer sang well. Well, I'm going to choose this song on the next KTV session. >_<作词:阿怪 作曲:阿怪 编曲:吴庆隆 Open your eyes Just say goodbye 这个夜晚是应该哭个痛快 相遇不算太晚 相爱不算太短 现在正好适合离开 Open your eyes and say goodbye 只是不懂怎么还笑得出来 承诺已经不再 叹息无可计算 再不离开泪就要泛滥 #Chorus每一种决定都像肝肠寸断 每一种选择都是心有不甘 过了今晚你要开始学着勇敢 不可知的未来 你要自己承担 每一种决定都像肝肠寸断 每一种选择都是心有不甘 诚实并不代表容许背叛 这样的爱 只是错误的示范
Friday, July 22, 2005
salty3:17 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Thanks, Mr. Greenie
Looking at the little greenie display, swaying its head from left to right along with the rythm of David Tao's music isn't a bad idea.
Thanks to Mr.Greenie, keeping me accompany whenever I'm happy, sad, angry or stressed. No wonder they say this fellow can really cheer you up a little, whenever you see his smilie face - left to right, left to right.
Once again, thanks Mr.Greenie. =)
#Update
The auntie sitting behind me passby and saw Mr.Greenie. Out of curiosity, she asked:
"Why nowadays youngsters like this kind of thing? Actually wad is that for?"
Me: "Mm...ppl say is for de-stress purpose. =)"
Aunite: "Last time there is a gal abt ur age oso and she oso gt this thing..."
Me: "Oh, izit? haha..."
She even show it to the woman infront of me. "See?"
Oh...I'm so proud of Mr.Greenie. =)
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
salty11:07 AM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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There goes my plan
Just as everyone were planning what to bring and wear on that day, everything has came to an end. SIANZ. Our chalet has been postponed to some other day untill further notice acknowledge. And I thought it has been long long time since I last go 'chiong' liao, just had some glimmer of hope but has turned to ash. Hai, a postponed to the chalet thing has destroyed our plan and worst still, bring us to face the SQA thing. SIANZ.
Well, I was desperate for next week to come, to collect my cert, gatherings, receiving my pay from ex and current company so that I can bring eeyore to enjoy a fabulous dinner. *rolling eye ball*
For the past 2 days, I've simply got nothing to do and just wait. Wait for the users' reply, wait for my leader's reply, and their reply was - wait. So, I wait and wait.
Nowadays I have been thinking - Why am I spending so much? And to realised that - More pay equals to more desire, which is equivalent to more spending. Because I couldn't resist the desire of having that formal matching set, somemore got discount wor, so I bought it last weekend without trying to search for G2000 member card from friends for another 15% discount. There goes my 100+.
Life is hard to go on like this arh.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
salty9:17 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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What a shit day?!
Just a few more minutes before I reached my doorstep, I entered the lift and...SHIT! Dammit! I stepped on dog shit! Those soft soft damp damp chocolate-coloured. YUCK! It stuck on my heels. Damn smelly!Think I can go buy 4-D liao. Pui!
Monday, July 18, 2005
salty12:07 PM
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Sense of Humour
Etiqeutte, manners & all HumourDuring class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one -"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked. "Just a minute, I have to go piss." The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!" "What about you John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table." "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper." The teacher fainted !!!!###Not tonight dear..One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am d not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that! nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smi! ling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
salty12:45 PM
SCL right__here.`waiting
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Lesson on Love
Saw this from my company's forum, very true.When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try. You’ll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test to you, to help you grow. Don’t find love: let love finds you. That’s why it’s called falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages size. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering, and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. While falling out of love take some time to heal and then get beckon the horse, don’t ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitful years, you should give thanks: you know that they were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you’ll experience the fullness of humanity, and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love. There were times in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we get hurt. Yes, that’s why it’s called, again, falling in love. But then again, love is all there is.http://www.ivillage.co.uk/print/0,9688,175095,00.html
salty11:00 AM
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